literature

Mixed Signals

Deviation Actions

Published: Feb 11, 2013

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Literature Text

_{I must remain alone.
I must never find love.
I am a creature of inconsistency,
My actions erratic,
Unplanned.
I cannot afford to love.
I cannot afford to allow myself to get attached.
I cannot let my heart go again.
When I see him,
I will not hold his hand.
That hand that knows the ridges and contours that make up my geography.
I will not kiss him,
Those lips that whisper the native language to my interpreters.
I will not look into those eyes,
Will not laugh
Will not smile.
I will be demure.
I will keep my eyes downcast,
Smile politely at his jokes
Keep my emotions to myself.
I will keep myself under control.
My body will want to laugh itself towards him
To wrap myself
Never let go
And wish for the past.
For the summer.
My mind will be screaming at me to run.
To leave.
To cry.

I am a negative polarity caught between two positive one.
Drawn in two very separate directions.
I want to draw him closer
But push him so much farther away.
Self preservation tells me that I need to be cautious.
Cautious of everyone.
I cannot get attached to anyone.
I must be alone.
I must always be alone.
The only thing that understands is the blade.
So versatile.
So cool.
So sharp.
So....tangible.
My fingers cling to it and the gleam of light from the polished metal lets me know that it's crying too.
I will not let myself give in to this boy.
I will hold onto my blade.
Give into it.
Let it guide my problems away.
My lungs are going to give out.
And I will not care.
I will gladly succumb to the dark and let my lungs betray me so I don't give in to my base desires.
I must remain alone.
I must not love
I must not attached.
I cannot let myself get hurt again.
I cannot completely fall for this boy again.
This boy who shoves me away, then draws me close.
This boy who gives me whiplash with his rollercoaster of emotions.
All of these....mixed signals.}